End of an Era- no more shrimp for Katherine :(

It's official- I can no longer eat shellfish. Especially shrimp. I'm allergic. And I've known this for a few years now but it was confirmed over Christmas vacation... I will share with you the e-mail I sent my parents to tell them the story. Apparently it's pretty funny :P

Mom, dad, you'll find this funny...
So last night before dinner, Annie made those little pastry thingies that had a fishy-potato-ey puree in the middle, remember? Only this time they were all filled with something different and it was like mystery pastry. Well, I vaguely remember (meaning I really do remember) eating one and thinking it tasted like seafood. But because eating that prawn creme brulee thingy at dinner the other night went fine, I kind of ignored the realization that I was eating seafood, most likely. Afterwards, I wasn't very hungry at dinner, and then after me and Roman were watching comedy videos and I laughed while swallowing orange juice thus provoking me to choke, and then my stomach felt funny after. And then I started to feel like vomiting. And I thought to myself, "That's weird, why would choking on orange juice make me feel sick?" Well, I decided to go to bed since I was so tired. Once I laid down, I realized I really had to throw up. I tried to force myself twice- nothing. I finally went to ask Roman if he had any medicine for my tummy. But standing downstairs picking out medicine, I started sweating and feeling hot and cold all at once and feeling really bad. So he went and woke up poor Annie. And once she came and helped me I started feeling like I couldn't breathe, like hyperventilating, and really dizzy- which is weird cause that's never happened to me before- I seriously thought I would faint. And so she had me sit down. Then I like, burp, kind of. And once she tries to get me to the toilet......... poor Annie witnessed me barf up boar stew dinner all over her floor. Twice. Then three times in the kitchen sink................Poor Annie.

I FELT AWFUL. AND IT WAS SO GROSS. :( WAH. 

I apologized a billion times and thanked her a ton for taking care of me. She was so kind, she made me an herbal tea and kept saying it's good cause I obviously needed to do that! Even though it was on her floor...... Needless to say, I have made my mark on the Coste household. Also, I now know it was definitely not orange juice that made me feel funny. I think I figured that out mid-barf. And there is one moral to the story: I shall never ever ever again eat seafood. Even if it's plausible that certain kinds don't make me sick (Annie thinks it was shrimp in the one pastry I ate. Which would make sense since shrimp in particular are the ones that make me THE sickest.) 

But mom, the other day you said, if you get sick from this creme brulee, we know it's gotten worse. Well prawns must not affect me. But shrimp on the other hand: it must have gotten worse because these pastries are so small and the filling inside is such an even smaller amount. like one bite's worth. So... I Think that answers our question. No more shrimp for me ever ever ever again. 

So there you have it! Now you know my lovely puke story. Hope you enjoyed it! Hahaha. But really, it's unfortunate because before, shrimp was one of my favorite foods. Now, I can barely eat a pastry filled with a shrimp or shellfish dip that's the size of my thumb without getting awfully sick... 

Christmas Vacation and Little Realizations

What a whirl wind! I must say that this month was a big growing month for me and I learned a lot about myself. Practically none of my friends were around and I was only in Marseille for a few days during the whole month so my Marseille friends and I didn't really get to see each other. Plus, they work, they study, etc. But I was blessed with my family's presence December 20th and spent two wonderful weeks with them that flew by so fast, I felt like I went in a time machine or something.

The first four days were interesting for us as a family. After 4 months of separation, and then being together 24/7 all at once, in a place where only I speak the language and my family is dependent on me for a lot of things, the first four days became an adjustment period. I began to feel things I didn't understand- impatience, frustration, and other feelings to which I've forgotten the English words for... haha. Basically, I was kind of going through a bit of culture shock. Not in the sense that I felt like America was colliding with my French lifestyle (okay a teeny bit ;) hahaha) but in the sense that I was not mentally prepared to help my family like they needed me and wanted me to. Or even like I wanted to! Because before they came I was ecstatic to show them my life here. But it was harder than I expected. And I regret to say that the fact that I didn't understand what I was feeling carried over into my behavior as indifference to their presence with me. Which is a huge regret of mine. I still feel really guilty and I'd take it back and whip myself into shape if I could go back and change it. But at least I am lucky enough that my family understands and forgives me! We had a moment where I apologized and kind of explained what I was feeling and thinking. I had also been feeling kind of over-obligated to do certain things for them, so it no longer was a pleasure but a work. They apologized too and we moved on. Don't get me wrong, we had a great time in Marseille and Aix getting to spend time together, seeing the area, spending time with my host mom and her sweet daughter Fanny, introducing them to my good friend Manue and her family, having dinner with my friend and classmate Brenda, etc.

Now I just know what I might experience when I go home this summer (those words in the same sentence make my hair stand on end... ;-/ ) This is my fair warning to all beloved family and friends: I might be kind of a roller coaster. Whatever I'm feeling, sometimes I may not know how to explain it in a way that makes sense to you or even myself. I just pray you have patience with me!!!

After four days we met our good friends- the Coste family, at Pont du Gard, an old Roman bridge. A really freaking old and absolutely majestically huge Roman bridge. Pictures don't do it justice! We went home to Montpellier- a place I consider a second home (next to Marseille of course!) where I feel completely at ease, like I've really come home each time I'm there- and had a huge 3-course style meal (don't get too excited- we had 3 course meals every night for the 1.5 weeks we were at their house... Hence my endearing Christmas-vacation rondeur :P None of you should need Google translate for that... !) We spent a lovely Christmas and shared our gifts with one another, ate well, rested well (I'd love to count how many naps I took during that week cause I bet it proceeds the number of fingers I have on both hands), discussed well, and laughed well. We had great conversations all week, exchanging cultural differences, norms, ideas, politics, etc. We played games and watched movies. We went hiking to Pic St. Loup, a lovely hike with the most amazing view! We got a private tour of a castle where the man who designed the gardens of Versailles practiced his garden designing! - in a town nearby where Annie's family lives, Castries. We went to the beach, we saw a walled city- Aigues Mortes, we went on other little walks, we explored Montpellier, had dinner and tea and desserts with family friends, and plenty of other things. I made a new friend through the family friends of the Coste family, Mathylde, who I can now meet up with in Montpellier just to catch up! She introduced me to her friends and we hung out in town for a day. It feels nice to expand my social network :)

We spend the tail end of the vacation in the Pyrenees. It was so beautiful, but unfortunately I was sick on New Years and while my family spent the day skiing I was in bed alone. Most pathetic New Years ever! To say I did the opposite of going wild is an understatement. I didn't even WANT to party I was so pathetic. But it was nice to be surrounded by family regardless. I did end up going snowboarding the following day, but it was so cold!! My jacket zipper broke so I couldn't close the front of  my jacket. My boot straps were too loose and I couldn't tighten them. And I had 2 hard landings. So after just 3 runs I was donezo. But hey, At least I can say I went snowboarding in the French Pyrenees!!

Saying goodbye to my family was really hard. I cried. A lot. A whole was left in my heart after I said goodbye. I took them coming to see me for granted and I realized how much I missed just being with them and talking face to face. It was so so so wonderful to joke around with them and swap stories and discuss important things and bond with them. It was a great experience for us all and despite my immature behavior in the beginning, I wouldn't change a thing. I was really homesick all throughout my time before going to Madrid, in Madrid and England. And so coming back to Marseille after basically a month of being in and out of the country, it was like arriving at the pearly gates of the afterlife. I literally shed tears of joy...

And that's when I realized how much affection I have for this city, not just this country. I love France more than any other country in the world. And it's been that way since the first time I went to France. And that day Junior year of high school when I had my come-together Ah-ha moment. When I sit and reflect on the feeling that fills me up when I think about France and the French and the language, the best word to describe it is love. Like, that sounds so weird and cheesy. But I seriously love this place. It brings tears to my eyes thinking about how much I love it here and feel like I belong here. It's the most amazing feeling- it makes me so happy, but also incredibly sad because I currently am not living here permanently. But after living in Marseille, I have developed this undying and unconditional love and appreciation for such a unique and particular city. I feel like I belong to Marseille as much as I feel like she belongs to me. C'est ma Marseille. And the best part is, no one can ever take that away from me. In high school it was my goal to go to France- I accomplished it. After graduation it was my goal to study/live in France- accomplishing it. What's next? After this year, something else has to replace the void that moving home will be. Because I can't leave Marseille forever. I will be back and it is my new goal to make that happen. This time it's scarier, a hell of a lot scarier. Because it's all on me in the future. After I graduate college, it's up to me to make it happen. But if I've learned anything about my passion for this country and language, it's that passion takes you places. It makes things happen. People can sense pure passion and luckily for me, it's made the stars align in such a way that makes things happen. Sometimes not as I imagine, but life never ceases to surprise me in the end. I look where I am not, the life I've created here in Marseille and how attached I am to it, and I know that that is not for nothing. I have never felt such a strong attachment and pride for a city before- never Portland, never Washougal, never McMinnville (although I am proud to be from the NW!) until living in Marseille. And it's only taken me 5 months or so to feel that. That's profound I think. I will repost what I posted before I left for France in August...

"I am just so happy here... A future in France is exactly what I want, but it's intimidating... How would I even find a job, or an apartment? I don't know how any of that works. But I must make baby steps before I even think about that yet. It takes time, and I will figure it all out, I just need to be patient." 

I wrote this two and a half years ago. To myself. And every time I come back to it, it restores a sense of purpose. I don't know what the years to come will bring but I trust in fate and that everything happens for a reason...

Side note

Last night I had the chance to talk with a friend who is Algerian about the whole "saying no" thing in Arab culture. He explained it to me in a way that was more in depth than just a way to be hospitable. Because it goes beyond food. My host mom in Morocco gave me her djeleba (a traditional cover up/dress thingy) and in my culture it's polite to refuse, but when I began to refuse her offering me her own djeleba, Rajaa told me, "In Morocco we don't say no to gifts." Simple as that. So I told myself, Welp okay! And tried to be as grateful as my pathetic Arabic and hand gestures were capable of showing. My friend explained to me that in Islam, on Judgement Day, you will be judged based on your generosity. It is sinful to not offer something to someone who doesn't have opportunity to have the same thing. He said that's why in Arabic culture, riches and beautiful things are hidden in the privacy of the home. In beautiful riads, the architecture and artwork is on the inside, as the outside just looks like a stucco wall. Women's beauty is covered and they can only show their hair and skin (traditionally) in the privacy of their home. People eat in enclosed areas so that people who cannot eat are not being made to feel more poor. And the same goes for refusal. I mean if you frankly don't want to eat something, you can say no, but there's a certain way to do it. He said some people will take it badly and some won't mind. But as for offering something to someone, in Arab culture they mean it, they want you to have what they have. When my friend took me out to eat and I wasn't hungry, but had said I'll eat anyways, and then we got there and I was hesitant to eat even though I'd just said I would, he got a little annoyed because it was a little dishonest on my part. Not to any extreme, of course. Just that going back and forth between being polite (by my own culture's standards) and not knowing if I want something or not, etc, that's kind of seen as impolite. It makes a lot more sense now. Refusal is not only a rejection to hospitality but to someone's generosity. I'm glad he explained it to me because now I understand much better and next time I think I won't feel so defensive. I feel like my French is getting in the way, so how I'm explaining this in English is not coming across as I'd like it to but I think you get the picture.

Just a side-note :)