Invest. Discover. Reflect.: Reflexions

I think it's timely that I give everyone an update, especially after this past week's events, here and in my other home...

Ever since we got back from Morocco, time flied. They warned us of that, and they were right to. I wish I could give you all specific details of my time here and how I spent it this past month but really, even though I have some specific things to talk about, it wouldn't do my time here any justice. I want everyone to know what's going on, but sometimes it's just so hard to transfer my experience over into words that capture the feeling. Being abroad to some people is the fashion or the food or the romance, but that's missing the point by a long shot. Life is different abroad not just because of physical things, but because you learn to think and see things differently (in another language too) and that changes you. You create a whole separate life that no one but you can understand. I really feel like I live here now. How do you want me to tell you that this past week was one of the best weeks of the semester? It was great for this reason and that, but that won't mean to you what it means to me. So I have a hard time putting the energy into going into real detail about those things anymore. I still do (for those lucky ones out there ;)) but it's also made me realize who is truly important to me. I can already tell how much I have changed and grown up, because I no longer waste my time worrying about things I can't control (okay, relatively speaking). I see and understand the world and people differently. It's one of the most beautiful gifts I've ever received. I still have six months left, alhamdullilah, and I can't imagine what other changes I will be going through in that time...

This is not to say that home means less to me now, or that the people I truly care about at home mean less. On the contrary. It just means I know how to separate the two worlds, two lives, and I'm okay with that separation. It's reality... But this brings me to my next subject: The massacres. In Clackamas Town Center by my home, and in Connecticut. I have had many French ask me how I'm doing and how everyone at home is doing because of these tragedies, and it's so touching. To hear about it on French news is really interesting. But honestly what makes me cry is seeing all the pictures and posts on news sites and Facebook about it, and thinking of the families and how that morning they sent their little loved one to school like any other day, only to discover that some fucked up kid took his own problems out on 20 innocent beings. It's the most disgusting thing a person could do. To a human, not just children, but to someone who has life. We don't have the right to take an innocent life. It makes my heart heavy, I woke up these past few days, while happy, feeling like something was wrong. It's interesting how this kind of event has effected all of us Americans while we're abroad. Here's my opinion on guns. Yes, people kill people, not guns. But people with guns kill more people than people without guns. People buy guns to protect themselves from other people with guns. It's a vicious cycle. I'm sorry but you cannot argue that point. It's futile, it's pointless, it's plain stupid. If it was actually difficult to get a gun, or if we just didn't have the right to one (because we don't need them........), then so many of these problems would be solved.... I don't know too much about the critics' opinions in France, but I know they want Obama to make political change and they are horrified for us because it's one of the worst modern massacres we've seen... I'll share some quotes from an article in Le Monde, a reputable French newspaper...

“Les larmes ne suffisent pas. Si l’Amérique veut éviter que de telles tragédies se reproduisent, il faut faire de la politique. Maintenant." – "Tears do not suffice. If America wants to avoid such tragedies like these from happening again, it must make political change. Now."

France recognizes that these things happen around the world, even in pacifist countries, yet it claims America as "the theater of repetitive shootings": "Les Etats-Unis sont le théâtre de fusillades à répétition parce qu'il est beaucoup trop facile de se procurer des armes. Le taux d'homicide y est cinq fois plus élevé qu'en France, celui par arme à feu seize fois plus fréquent qu'en Allemagne." - "The United States is the theater of repetitive shootings, because it is so much easier to own an arme. Le homicide rate is 5 times that of France's, and 16 times more frequent than in Germany." What does that tell you?!

The last important thing, that I touched on already: People say this all the time, but I don’t get buy their argument… "Ce ne sont pas les armes, mais les gens qui tuent". Les gens désarmés tuent moins" - "'It's not the guns, but people who kill.' People without guns kill less."

What argument do you have against that, huh? I'd really, REALLY like to hear a legitimate response. Because I don't see one. And excuse my language, but it's an issue that shouldn't be a fucking issue. Come on people, a little political change for our protection isn't going to hurt us.

That being said, onto another subject... 8 of the other Americans are leaving this weekend. Last weekend we had a large birthday party at Max's for Sara and Nick and then after we went to the Vieux Port, it was so fun to go out all together! One of my favorite memories of the semester. It was eventful for all of us that night... :) Last night we had our Soiree d'Adieu, and I cried. A lot of us cried. I just felt especially grateful for my classmates. They're a great bunch. Throughout the semester we had "secret admirers" and we were supposed to observe the person and the changes we see in them over the span of the four months we're all together, and then tell them at the end what we noticed. Sara and I had each other, and while everyone's letters to their admirers were sooo touching and made us all a little emotional, but I burst into tears when Sara said to the class, "My secret admirer may be a secret but it is no secret that I adore you... KATHERINE." It was so sweet!! Merci Sara pour tes mots de gentillesse :) We're a little family and I am going to miss that so much. I can only hope that Suzie and Brenda and I will be able to transfer that familial ambiance into the next group, or that we won't have to at all and it will feel just as natural, even if different. I am excited to welcome two girls from my school to Marseille, and meet the others coming from America, and to get to know the two girls coming from Aix better. I couldn't be happier with my life right now. I literally honestly don't think I've ever been this happy before (KNOCK ON WOOD. don't wanna jinx it...) and I feel so humbled and grateful for this experience and mostly the personal connections I'm making with people. I really feel Marseillaise. This is my city now. I am spending more and more time with French people and people of Arabic origin, too, and I just feel fascinated by what I'm learning about people who live here all of the time. It's so wonderful. But with this week's events, saying goodbye, and the massacres, I felt really emotional this week. And I just feel guilty for being so happy when there are people enduring such pain right now... yet happy that I am so happy, I can't make myself feel guilty for something I have nothing to do with...

I also forgot to talk about going to Norway to see Erin!! First of all, I am happy to announce I had NO TRAVEL COMPLICATIONS, alhamdullilah. My experience coming to France seriously scarred me... ahaha. Anyways, it was cold as ________ < insert exaggeration/inappropriate phrase here. Seriously, 1 minute outside and my legs were numb and my face hurt. No wonder that country only has 5 million habitants!! But as soon as I saw Erin, we ran up to each other, hugged really hard and sobbed in each other's arms and didn't let go. The emotion came out of the blue, even though we expected that to happen, I was fine up until that moment. We kind of caused a scene, so people either thought we're lesbian, or someone died, or I'm not sure what... But we didn't care. Seeing her for those two and a half days was wonderful. Oh how we laughed! And reminisced and discussed and all those things I miss doing with my girls face to face. Skype just isn't the same... I met several of her friends and we walked around and ate out a lot :) We went out both nights in a row but we were awfully lazy... :) My camera broke so I have mediocre pictures and from now on all the pictures on my Facebook and here will be stolen from other people's cameras until I get it fixed or get a new lens :/ Major bummer...

Tonight is Sara's last night in France :( We're going to have dinner at Manu's and then go out for one last time. I'm exhausted, I have been going to bed very late lately............ But it's worth 100% of it. I have a month long, relaxing vacation that awaits me and my lovely family is going to be here in just under 5 short days!!!! And then before I know it Suzie will be back for spring semester and the crazy shenanigans will begin once again, insha'allah.

Here are some photos, and I promise a detailed description of Morocco soon. And I mean it, cause I'm gonna be hella bored these next couple days haha.